You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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