I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
