I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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