I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
