Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
