the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
