Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
