i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
