hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
