He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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