How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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