Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
