I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
