Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
