btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
