He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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