You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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