allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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