Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
