best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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