READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
