The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
