Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
