I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
