she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
