She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
