K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
