Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
