just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My dick has a subreddit
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
