You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
