I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
