i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
