I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
