is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
