I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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