There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When are your genitals available?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
