The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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