i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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