better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
