Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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