all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
