3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
