Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
