I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
