Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
