So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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