Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pants are for mortals
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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