I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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