My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you had me at cake vodka
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
