a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
