It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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