This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My balls are so social today.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
