Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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